Saturday, 14 February 2015
Ever miss someone on valentine day?
If you don't, you are a lucky duck.
If you do, well, welcome to the club.
I messed up my love life again.
Or, what I thought was my love life.
People takes valentine as the most romantic time of the year.
Question is why?
Saint Valentine died on that day, so it's a bit ironic isn't it?
I decided to write about my recent love mistake today :)
Not because valentine day makes me miserable, but I just want to make it as a reminder for myself not to do the same mistake again.
...................................................................................................................................................................
Hello boy,
the first time I met you, I couldn't even remember your face nor your name.
I didn't really know who you really are.
But for some reason, I felt your calmness and friendliness.
I couldn't remember anything bout you but I felt your existence in that room.
The second chance I get to see you, you were standing there smoking with that chubby face :))
Never thought I would have met you guys in that cafe. We didn't talk. Just a friendly smile.
We met again for the third time in our friends' meet up. You were just the normal nice guy. I started feeling something. Then, we contacted each other more often... everyday....
We kissed. We tried to deny it at first.
We don't talk about it. We kissed more and it led to the next step.
Between us only, we knew we can never be together.
You were my mistake.
And I was yours.
You were my first kiss and the first guy I ever be that close and intimate with.
My heart clench every time I remember you.
It hurt me more when we met again after.
We ended everything badly.
We never really talk about it.
Never communicate directly.
We let our friends talked into our head.
I wanted to scream and tell you that I didn't want them to tell you all of that.
I never asked them to.
I know even now that you think I am such a babbler mouth who tells every thing to everyone.
I asked an advise to a person or two.
And everyone found out.
They pointed their fingers toward you.
You hated me. I know that.
Trust me, I didn't mean for it to happen.
They are your friends.
I pulled myself away. Even now.
I knew I lost your trust.
I never told them what exactly happen between us.
I told my own friend for advises. They told me to grow some balls and a back bone.
I did that.
We are better now :)
But deep down we again know that we can never be the same.
You deserve better.
I deserve better.
I screwed up my brain and uni life to think and cry about you.
I disappointed my parents. I disappointed myself.
Took me three months in another continent to move on.
I met you again once and felt the better than the last time.
I am coming back again this time.
To do better in life.
I hope I am healed for good.
Only time will tell.
Life is a linear line.
I can not fix the past.
I can only take a look at it and do better in the future.
...................................................................................................................................................................
Thought today was gonna be boring as usual.
But God still loves me, and gave me chance to meet my friend and do some shopping :)
It was fun and unexpected.
If you are in love or think you are in love, don't stay quiet and let a misunderstanding ruin it.
Talk!
Don't let other people to talk in your behalf. No matter what problem it is.
If it ended badly, MOVE ON!
Let time decide.
Don't run back and beg to him like I did. Don't lower your self-respect like me.
You can do so much better.
Don't ruin your future like I did.
What you need is a good friend that can slap your cheek and bring you back to reality.
What you need is a time alone from everyone that knows him.
Don't online stalk him. Make new friends and make new life.
Easier to say than done. Tell me bout it.
Even I am still in my recovering stage :))
Only God knows what will happen once I am back.
Hey, I tried ;)
xoxo
Fat Girl
People takes valentine as the most romantic time of the year.
Question is why?
Saint Valentine died on that day, so it's a bit ironic isn't it?
I decided to write about my recent love mistake today :)
Not because valentine day makes me miserable, but I just want to make it as a reminder for myself not to do the same mistake again.
...................................................................................................................................................................
Hello boy,
the first time I met you, I couldn't even remember your face nor your name.
I didn't really know who you really are.
But for some reason, I felt your calmness and friendliness.
I couldn't remember anything bout you but I felt your existence in that room.
The second chance I get to see you, you were standing there smoking with that chubby face :))
Never thought I would have met you guys in that cafe. We didn't talk. Just a friendly smile.
We met again for the third time in our friends' meet up. You were just the normal nice guy. I started feeling something. Then, we contacted each other more often... everyday....
We kissed. We tried to deny it at first.
We don't talk about it. We kissed more and it led to the next step.
Between us only, we knew we can never be together.
You were my mistake.
And I was yours.
You were my first kiss and the first guy I ever be that close and intimate with.
My heart clench every time I remember you.
It hurt me more when we met again after.
We ended everything badly.
We never really talk about it.
Never communicate directly.
We let our friends talked into our head.
I wanted to scream and tell you that I didn't want them to tell you all of that.
I never asked them to.
I know even now that you think I am such a babbler mouth who tells every thing to everyone.
I asked an advise to a person or two.
And everyone found out.
They pointed their fingers toward you.
You hated me. I know that.
Trust me, I didn't mean for it to happen.
They are your friends.
I pulled myself away. Even now.
I knew I lost your trust.
I never told them what exactly happen between us.
I told my own friend for advises. They told me to grow some balls and a back bone.
I did that.
We are better now :)
But deep down we again know that we can never be the same.
You deserve better.
I deserve better.
I screwed up my brain and uni life to think and cry about you.
I disappointed my parents. I disappointed myself.
Took me three months in another continent to move on.
I met you again once and felt the better than the last time.
I am coming back again this time.
To do better in life.
I hope I am healed for good.
Only time will tell.
Life is a linear line.
I can not fix the past.
I can only take a look at it and do better in the future.
...................................................................................................................................................................
Thought today was gonna be boring as usual.
But God still loves me, and gave me chance to meet my friend and do some shopping :)
It was fun and unexpected.
If you are in love or think you are in love, don't stay quiet and let a misunderstanding ruin it.
Talk!
Don't let other people to talk in your behalf. No matter what problem it is.
If it ended badly, MOVE ON!
Let time decide.
Don't run back and beg to him like I did. Don't lower your self-respect like me.
You can do so much better.
Don't ruin your future like I did.
What you need is a good friend that can slap your cheek and bring you back to reality.
What you need is a time alone from everyone that knows him.
Don't online stalk him. Make new friends and make new life.
Easier to say than done. Tell me bout it.
Even I am still in my recovering stage :))
Only God knows what will happen once I am back.
Hey, I tried ;)
xoxo
Fat Girl
Friday, 13 February 2015
Life can be normal
Life can be weird
It doesn't really matter what you think or dream about sometimes.
It is more about your decision in that one final second in your life choices.
I have done my past.
I have chosen them myself.
No matter how much I blame other people for it. I do realize, that they were all my choices in the end. I chose to be THAT girl. I chose THAT life. I chose THAT path.
Must be silly of me to write my thoughts here. For all of you to read. Publicly.
But. I do have my reasons.
I might not be the only one with those choices. Even if I am, you can still learn from them. Take my life as your reference. Do it when you find it fit. Avoid it when its hell.
I learned most of my lessons from my past, my friends' past.
Mine, might be boring for you. Even silly and a joke for some. Leave this page if you want. You will be the one regretting it ;)
Kind Regards
Fat Girl
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