Closing That Chapter

Have you ever been in that moment in your life...
when you thought you are ready for everything.
when you wishes for something and when it actually happened, you ended up feeling hurt.
the moment when you thought you are almost healed but then you heart started to ache again?

I have been through that feeling so many times in my life.
And yet, it seems like they weren't enough.
Again I was hit unprepared, well.... kinda, quiet hard too this time.

The moment I came back to Australia I was preparing for the worst.
I was scared to come back to my life.
Scared that the wound will be reopened.
I hoped that he found someone already. That I can be normal around everyone.

One week in, I met him for like less than a minute.
It was awkward.
I don't need to be a genius to feel that he wanted to leave as soon as he can.
No eye contacts...
It hurt, but I try to ignore it and didn't think much. Screw it. I need to get a new life now.

Then yesterday I found out he has a new girlfriend.
He went on a romantic holiday with her.
He warned me he was gonna leave Australia quiet often this year.
I had the feeling he was seeing someone and it's true :)
I was crushed inside.
Felt weird.
I know nothing happened between us,
I did prepare for this,
I promised myself to start a new life,
and yet...

Probably this is a present from God for me :)
A warning to move forward...
It is time to close that chapter and start a new one...
To try harder in my study and stop disappointing my parents.
Deep down I am grateful :)
Sad but grateful.

Weird huh

Well, uni, here I come ;)
And single guys.... be careful,
I am ready to mingle for real this time.

xoxo
Fat Girl

Little Reunion

How do you differentiate crush and love?

In the very beginning you want to question your feeling.

Starting to question the weird comfort you have when you are around him.
The way your heart beats.
Why you try to look your best around him.
How your radar is very sensitive around him.

You question your sanity.

You question your body.

You wonder, is it just a crush? a temporary attraction?

Or is it something deeper than that?

I met him again.
after two years never seen him in person :)
He was still exactly the same.
The same humble guy,
the smart and focus person I used to adore.

Yes, adore :))
such a cheesy and creepy word.

It was a nice reunion, awkward, but a huge wake up slap for me.

He again, made me to pursue my education harder.
He always gave me the feeling to compete,
to try my hardest,
to show him and my family my best....

I screwed up...
for the past two years
but that meeting with him made me slightly ashamed of myself for letting those two years ruined me

I lost those happy dorry feeling around him
But he still gave me those feeling to compete and try my best :)
He was my first serious crush,
the first person I online stalked that much ;)

Who said small reunion with your crush will be crap?
I was grateful for it actually.
I realised my mistakes, but he made me feel the urge to fight harder.
He didn't say it directly,
but he was my example..
he is....

xoxo
Fat Girl